#MicroblogMonday – Belated Mother’s Day Post

Mother’s Day has always been OK for me. As my huge family gets together and celebrates all the women who are mothers, I have slowly become the last one who isn’t. While it’s painful, it’s also important because it reminds my super fertile family that infertility exists. I get to help in the kitchen, distract myself, and feel like I’m contributing. It’s actually OK. I do get a lot of side glances, and “when it’s meant to be it will be” comments, which makes it a bit awkward, but I can handle it. I know when I do finally get to be a mother, it will be all the more wonderful.

This year, someone made the decision to promote my pups (they are my babies) to the level of children, and group me in with all the other mothers in the celebration. Surely intended to make me feel included and celebrated.

But it didn’t. For the first time this year, no one mentioned my infertility. No one even acknowledged it. Instead, I sat with the other Mothers and listened to stories about childbirth and nursing and toddlers and potty training and Christmas mornings and packing for dance competitions – experiences I will never have with my furbabies. The longer I listened, the more I felt myself falling further and further into the abyss.

When I got home, I climbed into my bed and stayed there until I had no option but to get up. This Mother’s Day, which had been intended to make me feel included, made me feel more alone than any other Mother’s Day before it. So alone, that it has taken me a week just to find the courage to write about it.

I am not ready for my story to be over, but sitting there listening to them all pretend I was a mother too made me realize that they are. 7 years into my infertility journey, and they’ve all given up on me. No one asks me where we are anymore. No one brings it up…for too many years I’ve been saying “Not yet, but we’re still hopeful”. While I know it wasn’t intended that way, it just feels like the end. And I am NOT ok with it.

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7 thoughts on “#MicroblogMonday – Belated Mother’s Day Post

  1. Rain May 16, 2016 / 6:29 pm

    That’s rough. I hope that perhaps the next Mother’s Day will be different! Looking forward to following you on your journey.


  2. Jess May 17, 2016 / 2:06 am

    I am so sorry. That just sucks, to put it plainly. I have felt that way, too — that people are just tired of the struggle, tired of our not-parent status after so many years, and it’s not fair. We don’t get to forget about it or gloss over…it’s there ALL THE TIME. I was annoyed myself this year because my family came for a brunch I hosted and NO ONE ASKED ABOUT ADOPTION AT ALL. My status as a maybe-someday mother was ignored completely, and it hurt. I’m sorry that Mother’s Day was lonely despite being surrounded by people, and that it felt like you were being pushed under the rug in an effort to include you, an effort that seems misguided. I feel like there’s really no good way to do Mother’s Day until you’re either a mom or have made peace with not being one, and when you’re in that inbetween place it just hurts. I hope that the stay in bed helped, and I hope that next year is better. I hope that you can do something kind for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • RavenTheRambler May 17, 2016 / 10:02 am

      I think people think they’re helping by not discussing it – giving you a break from it or something – but it actually hurts more that way! Infertility never ceases to amaze me at how tricky it can be! Thanks for stopping by and good luck with your adoption journey! That’s where we’re headed next year!


  3. Mel May 18, 2016 / 12:19 am

    That is so hard. Because you know it came from a good, albeit misguided place. Abiding with you.


  4. torthúil May 20, 2016 / 9:33 pm

    That sounds so awkward and painful. It’s good you are processing it and thinking about what bothered you – perhaps some of this can be communicated to your family at an appropriate time.


  5. Missing Noah May 21, 2016 / 4:44 am

    I’m sorry. Silence when you feel like shouting is hard.


  6. Jamie May 21, 2016 / 7:42 pm

    I’m sorry to hear things were so difficult this Mother’s Day. It really hurts when it feels like people have given up on you, which may not have been the message they intended to communicate. It still hurts.


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