Disappointed.

So – I wrote this post “Of Two Minds” two weeks ago and hit post. I was filled with excitement and good things (as you can tell from my words). But so much has changed.

I need to work, to attend school. The income I bring in will help pay for my Graduate school fees – so it is imperative that I work. I had worked out with my new University (we’ll call it “TUT”) that the courses I needed I could take around my work hours (I work 7-3) – which was perfect. It would take a bit longer, but it would work. This was 100% dependent on getting credit for the courses I had already taken at my previous University “LUC” (I had started my Masters after finishing my Undergrad in 2008, and then withdrew). I had been informed by both Universities that getting credit for those courses would be no problem. Fast forward to this week – after weeks of back and forth with LUC – they are unable to provide the documents I need because they don’t have them. The courses I took where special topics – and those Professors alone had copies. Those Professors are now off doing field work all over the world (Archaeologists)…and 100% inaccessible. The few we did hear from didn’t have copies, but suggested they would check their storage lockers when they returned from “______(Belize, Congo and Italy)” in the next year. For some reason LUC did not feel it was imperative to keep copies of the courses being taught that were special topics – so now TUT can’t evaluate them and give me credit for it. All of it seems to fall back on the response “As the student, you should have kept your coursework”…

To say I’m devastated would be an understatement – even though I am trying to remind myself there a million worse things that could happen. The reality is that in order to complete the courses I need to complete now – I would have to quit my job. There are too many to make vacation and lieu time cover my absences, and I couldn’t afford a sabbatical right now.

I had convinced myself that my acceptance into the program was a sign from God that I was meant to be there… but I was completely side swiped by this impossible situation that no one can find a resolution to (besides quitting my job).

I’m completely lost. When I decided to go back to school, and I got accepted, all the years of pain from infertility melted away. I have only ever had two dreams – one was to be a mother, and the second was to teach at University. I was determined that if I couldn’t be a mother then I would at least be a Professor and everything would be OK in the end. But as of right now, both of those dreams are so deflated it makes my head hurt.  I don’t know where to go or what to do with myself. I know that when one door closes, another opens – but right now that door seems so blurry I can’t even make out the lines.

 

 

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