Monday Musings!

It’s Gastro season. Yep, it’s an entire season…trust me, I work at a Hospital – I know.

For those of you who don’t know – I have OCD. Not the kind that people claim to have because they like to fold their underwear and arrange their books from short to tall…but the real, debilitating, potentially life ruining kind. It’s much more traumatic and life changing than the fads of “Omg, I am sooo OCD” allow you to understand…and it is a life time illness. It will wax and wane with the stressors in my life, and morph into other things every chance it gets. It’s a constant battle that I will always fight -and while I would never choose it if I had the option, I am learning to work with it. After all, I am a mostly functioning adult with a University degree, successful career and healthy marriage – so that must count for something. The fact that my compulsions center (mostly) around hygiene and germs, and I work in a Hospital, is both immensely stressful and hugely therapeutic. I continue to work here despite the ability to switch into other roles because I know it will make me stronger in the long run.

Having said that – the approach of Gastro season has me all in a flurry. This is my most dreaded season – and I hate that it corresponds with Christmas (the very best season). There is nothing in the world that can protect me from Gastro season and the pure terror/dread it instills in me – I will spend the majority of this season compulsively washing my poor hands and avoiding any and all human or other contact that may be contaminated. I know how ridiculous it all sounds, but it is very real and completely uncontrollable for me…so all I can do is buckle down and go along for the ride….and pray I come out on the other side – healthy and in one piece. Beans has already had gastro once and I managed to avoid it (I think I aged a few years in the process, though)…I’m just praying that I can make it through the rest of the season relatively unscathed and mostly sane. Many, many, MANY times I have wished I could trade OCD for something else – something less “insane” for lack of a better term, but the older I get the more I realize we all have our things – and mine isn’t any better or worse than anyone else’s. Just different.

So there you have it, the truth. Hopefully we can still be friends even though I am constantly on the brink of shuffling around in a bathrobe wearing gloves and a mask occasionally mentally unwell and slightly quirky. Cross your fingers that I make it through this season without losing all my marbles!

How do you get through virus season? Does the idea of it fill you with dread, or do you roll with it?


Friday Favs: Funny Sitcoms

I have to admit…I have never seen The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad or anything else that most of the people I know are talking about. They’re just not my cup of tea – aside from Criminal Minds (I am addicted), I pretty much only watch things that make me happy or laugh. But I am happily, and unashamedly, addicted to funny sitcoms!

I was devastated when Mike and Molly ended…and Friends, lets not talk about Friends. So over the years I have been struggling to find new sitcoms to watch that really fit the bill like good oldies like Roseanne or Home Improvements. Any time a new one comes on, I am always willing to try an episode and see how I feel! These are some of my favs:

  1. Big Bang Theory: Does anyone still watch Big Bang Theory anymore? Well, if you don’t – you should. It is FUNNY these days!! There are a lot of new and exciting things happening, and while I agree it did go through a bit of a dry spell – it almost always makes me laugh out loud again.
  2. Kevin Can Wait – This is a new one, and while not hilarious yet, it is still funny and quickly getting funnier. I can see it being a gem.
  3. Man with a Plan – Another new one, still developing their funny. I am enjoying it, though.
  4. Mom – This one always makes me laugh.
  5. Fuller House – Don’t judge me. It’s funny AND it’s homey. It’s like a nice warm hug that smells of the 90s, and brings me back to my younger days.

What are your favourite TV shows? Do you love funny (and sometimes cheesy) sitcoms too?

Wordy Wednesday

What I’ve read:

The Paying Guests – Sarah Waters: This was the most strange novel I’ve read in a long time. It was well written, but I actually didn’t enjoy it at all. Nothing about the book gave me a good feeling – it was sad, and desperate, and just unpleasant. It highlights the issues same-sex couples faced (and continue to face), and it also highlighted not only the injustice but also the desperate lengths some have to go to in order to protect a secret deemed unconceivable by society.

The Scent of Sake – Joyce Lebra: I enjoyed this book. It showed the plight of a quietly strong young woman and her silent battle for power in a male dominated world. She shows just enough strength to challenge the norm, but not enough to bring down the hammer on her family. I like this character – she shows the quiet side of feminism that I, personally, belong to.

Girl on the Train – Paula Hawkins: Oh. This book. I had big expectations for it – I had heard it was a “game changer” and insanely clever. I love a good thriller with a twist – and  was so excited to read it…. but I did not find it to be those things. I found the “twist” to be predictable – maybe not at first, but as I continued to read and get to know the characters it became obvious. It was also very sad – the life that Rachel leads is so desperately sad and lonely. It focused on the darker side of life – affairs, domestic abuse, alcohol abuse… and had very little light in it. Not my cup of tea, at all. I doubt I will see the movie!

What I’m Reading:

The House Without Windows – Nadia Hashimi: I have been plugging away at this book for a couple weeks, which is not my usual style (I’m typically a binge reader). I haven’t really gotten into it – but yet I still want to read it and am consistently going back to it. I’m not sure how I feel about it, other than that it is sad and infuriating. It’s mind blowing to me, as a born and raised Canadian, that women in this day and age have to face jail time or a death sentence for being raped, falling in love or for being suspected killing their husbands (regardless of what he did to them first – not that killing him isn’t wrong, but sometimes it’s self defense or the abuse is so intense it seems like the only option to save yourself and your family). It’s not that I didn’t know how corrupt some parts of the world are, I did, but seeing it laid out in such clear terms is shocking…the lengths Zeba is going to, to protect something that in my country would be a monstrous crime all on it’s own, is incredible and intensely humane. It also makes me thankful for how very, very lucky I am to be Canadian and free.


What are you reading right now? Have you read anything good recently? I’d love to hear about it in the comments – I am ALWAYS up for new book suggestions!

Monday Musings!

I am struggling to develop this space into something I feel good about – like the warm hug of my favourite book reading chair. I am torn between writing about only the good, positive things – and wanting to balance reality. I am struggling with infertility, and have been for 6 years, and I am never sure how much to include in this space and how much to keep to myself. Part of the problem is that I don’t share much of our infertility journey with anyone else – we keep it pretty tightly contained. Even our parents know very little. At the same time, I want this place to be a comforting and realistic place where I explore real life situations – the good and the bad. Some days, I feel good and like I am ready to accept whatever fate God has in store for me – and others I am so terribly broken about the idea of never getting to be a mother. Like a river, my feelings towards infertility ebb and flow.

Clear as mud? I suppose that goes for everything in life.

So here is my Monday Musings – a mishmash of thoughts:


Please don’t judge me for the huge stack of books by the TV! I am LITERALLY out of book shelf space!

I put up my Christmas decorations!! I love, love, LOVE Christmas and although I usually wait until December – this year I decided to do it early! It snowed yesterday here, so it looked and felt like Christmas! I needed the house to match! Beans helped – he was super excited to do it. I am blessed in that my sister allows me to have a care-giver role in his life (I take care of him three weeknights, and the weekend days) while she works. It’s so close to Motherhood, it makes my heart so full! Naturally, he put all every single decoration a lot of the decorations on the same branch…does any kid ever do it differently? However, at the end he sighed and said “Wow, our tree is BEAUTIFUL!” and that was soo cute that I didn’t even mind it was super lopsided. At least until he went home, then I fixed it.

We almost added another pet our menagerie this weekend – a coworker talked me into agreeing to meet and greet with a cat (please note: we have 3 cat-chasing dogs). The only excuse I have for not saying no, is that I am HORRIBLE at saying no. I mean, I love cats – but our house is not very big and it already has two adults, one part time boy and three large dogs. We’re FULL. Anyway, the rescue ended up cancelling last minute and I am not going to rebook. I would love to help this kitty, but I just don’t have capacity for it right now! On that note – does any one else struggle to say no? How to do you handle that? I so often find myself committed to things I actually don’t want to do – just because I am terrible at saying no.

I have been wanting to get on the fit.bit train for a while now – but couldn’t justify the price for what I wanted. I spent hours and hours researching the options and finally decided on this:

Image result for imusi

The iMusi activity tracker and watch. I’ve had it since Friday and so far am quite impressed. I don’t love the app (it needs some updating!) – but the watch does what I want it to do (and more) for a completely reasonable price (under $50). It’s easy to wear, fastens well and overall has great battery life (it’s my 4th day with it, and it’s at a 50% now)…I am also checking it constantly so it’s getting more use than it normally would. I expect two weeks out of the battery when I’m used to it and letting it do it’s thing. Also – it is a watch too which is what I really wanted! Every time you tilt your wrist to look at it, the screen turns on. It has a sensor for heart rate, and it vibrates when you’re inactive for more than 30 mins. Loving it! I will let you know more once I’ve had it for a bit longer and the glow has worn off!

Mr. Big turns 31 in two weeks and I am taking him to see Cirque Du Soleil. I went with my Mom for my birthday and it was AMAZING!! We saw Luzia – but I am taking him to Dreams. He will love it, I am sure – he was so jealous when I went! It’s one of our bucket list items, and I was so happy to scratch it off! Money well spent!

That’s all for now. I am toying with the idea of doing a Photo a day challenge in December – I saw a really interesting one on Fat Mum Slim and if I was going to do one, this is the one I’d want to do.

Thanks for reading! I’d love to see your comments about when you put up your christmas decorations, whether you’re a “yes man” or a “no man” and if you’ve seen Cirque!

We’re Sorry, Too.

I know it’s a running joke that Canadians apologize for everything – but for my American friends: I am so very sorry.

I’m sorry that you’re afraid right now – afraid for yourself, or your friends, who are not white, male and straight. I am sorry that you’re worried his hate will spread. I am sorry that you’re devastated to have to explain this to your children. I am sorry that such a beautiful, powerful, positive country is now being run by an angry, hateful, hurtful man and that countless people will be hurt in the process.

I’m just sorry. I am heartbroken for what this means for your rights and for the world as a whole – because what America does will resonate with us all.

It’s just impossible to make sense of it. I just don’t understand how someone who is so readily vocal about his hatred of so many things, people and lifestyles can possibly be elected as President of the United States. I am sure Trump had positive changes he wanted to make – things that some of you can get behind – but what spoke loudest, what he shouted to the world time and time again was nothing but hate and I cannot possibly understand why anyone would want someone like that to be their President.

It’s terrifying, and my heart is with those of you who are hurt, and who will be hurt by his hatred. Sending hugs and lots of love from Canada.