I am struggling to develop this space into something I feel good about – like the warm hug of my favourite book reading chair. I am torn between writing about only the good, positive things – and wanting to balance reality. I am struggling with infertility, and have been for 6 years, and I am never sure how much to include in this space and how much to keep to myself. Part of the problem is that I don’t share much of our infertility journey with anyone else – we keep it pretty tightly contained. Even our parents know very little. At the same time, I want this place to be a comforting and realistic place where I explore real life situations – the good and the bad. Some days, I feel good and like I am ready to accept whatever fate God has in store for me – and others I am so terribly broken about the idea of never getting to be a mother. Like a river, my feelings towards infertility ebb and flow.
Clear as mud? I suppose that goes for everything in life.
So here is my Monday Musings – a mishmash of thoughts:
I put up my Christmas decorations!! I love, love, LOVE Christmas and although I usually wait until December – this year I decided to do it early! It snowed yesterday here, so it looked and felt like Christmas! I needed the house to match! Beans helped – he was super excited to do it. I am blessed in that my sister allows me to have a care-giver role in his life (I take care of him three weeknights, and the weekend days) while she works. It’s so close to Motherhood, it makes my heart so full! Naturally, he put all
every single decoration a lot of the decorations on the same branch…does any kid ever do it differently? However, at the end he sighed and said “Wow, our tree is BEAUTIFUL!” and that was soo cute that I didn’t even mind it was super lopsided. At least until he went home, then I fixed it.
We almost added another pet our menagerie this weekend – a coworker talked me into agreeing to meet and greet with a cat (please note: we have 3 cat-chasing dogs). The only excuse I have for not saying no, is that I am HORRIBLE at saying no. I mean, I love cats – but our house is not very big and it already has two adults, one part time boy and three large dogs. We’re FULL. Anyway, the rescue ended up cancelling last minute and I am not going to rebook. I would love to help this kitty, but I just don’t have capacity for it right now! On that note – does any one else struggle to say no? How to do you handle that? I so often find myself committed to things I actually don’t want to do – just because I am terrible at saying no.
I have been wanting to get on the fit.bit train for a while now – but couldn’t justify the price for what I wanted. I spent hours and hours researching the options and finally decided on this:
The iMusi activity tracker and watch. I’ve had it since Friday and so far am quite impressed. I don’t love the app (it needs some updating!) – but the watch does what I want it to do (and more) for a completely reasonable price (under $50). It’s easy to wear, fastens well and overall has great battery life (it’s my 4th day with it, and it’s at a 50% now)…I am also checking it constantly so it’s getting more use than it normally would. I expect two weeks out of the battery when I’m used to it and letting it do it’s thing. Also – it is a watch too which is what I really wanted! Every time you tilt your wrist to look at it, the screen turns on. It has a sensor for heart rate, and it vibrates when you’re inactive for more than 30 mins. Loving it! I will let you know more once I’ve had it for a bit longer and the glow has worn off!
Mr. Big turns 31 in two weeks and I am taking him to see Cirque Du Soleil. I went with my Mom for my birthday and it was AMAZING!! We saw Luzia – but I am taking him to Dreams. He will love it, I am sure – he was so jealous when I went! It’s one of our bucket list items, and I was so happy to scratch it off! Money well spent!
That’s all for now. I am toying with the idea of doing a Photo a day challenge in December – I saw a really interesting one on Fat Mum Slim and if I was going to do one, this is the one I’d want to do.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to see your comments about when you put up your christmas decorations, whether you’re a “yes man” or a “no man” and if you’ve seen Cirque!