People-y-ness

I am an introvert. I was born an introvert, and I will die an introvert.

For a long time I was ashamed of that. I was taught that being closed up / quiet and liking your own company was a weakness and a sign of being abnormal. It was something to overcome…so I tried, and I tried, and I tried to conquer it – at the very grave cost of my mental health – but I never succeeded. Finally (thankfully) I reached a point in my adulthood where I realized there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Like extroverts, it is just a type of personality.

I like my own company. I find socializing draining and exhausting. Nothing rejuvenates me more than a quiet afternoon alone, doing my thing. All good things, right? Self acceptance for the win!

But then…I married an extrovert….

Now our social life is a constant balance between my needs and his. He fills his cup by being out around people, I fill my cup by being alone (or with him). He can spend DAYS visiting with family or friends, while I can barely tolerate 3-4 hours. He loves to invite people to things, I like to do things just the two of us. He gets bored if a week goes by without a socialization event – I would be OK with just one a month. His idea of a vacation is spending it at a crowded resort in Mexico laying on the beach. My idea of a vacation is a hostel in Scotland, touring the castles and eating local pub fair.

We are SO different. I often wonder how we could possibly be happy together…but we yet we are. His people-y-ness encourages me to be a bit more peoply, while my non-peopley-ness encourages him to be a little more content with his own company…I see it as a win both ways.

I can’t wait to see what we end up with for children…will they be extroverts, introverts or something in between?

I think Mr. Big and I are proof that opposites do attract – we complement each other while still being individuals. But I also know couples who are very similar and perfectly matched together – I think it really depends on the person and the dynamics of the marriage.

What about you? Are you introverted or extroverted? What about your spouse?

 

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2 thoughts on “People-y-ness

  1. My husband is an introvert. I’m somewhere in the middle! His career is very people orientated so weekends he is often happiest to not meet anyone. Whereas I don’t have that much interactions during the week so weekends I like to meet people! So with us it can be the opposite of you and your hubby! What works for us is that I’ve learned the joy in having a weekend just the two of us and not planning anything, and when I really want to go out and do stuff I’ll meet one of my girl friends and go out and hubby has a relaxing evening at home, win win. Every second weekend we’ll generally do something social like hang out with friends together.

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  2. I am an introvert to the point of social anxiety. My husband is somewhere in the middle. My 1st daughter is just like me. My 2nd was born with a lampshade on her head, doing the limbo and has never met a stranger. (Side note – Occasionally we get “where’d she come from?” jokingly from strangers. “She’s adopted, thanks for asking!” Cue awkwardness…)

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