#WordyWednesday & a hilarious story where I almost get arrested…

Emma in the Night – By Wendy Walker

I’ve recently started enjoying mystery books – especially missing children mysteries (I know, I’m sick, but they are SO GOOD) and I especially love when they end with a reunification.

This book I picked up  from cos.tc.o on a whim and I am so glad I did! It was such a good read, I was eagerly devouring every single page anxious to find out the truth…. but I do have to admit, in the end it left me craving a resolution a little more substantial.

Now, the story where I almost get arrested:

My sister has started a new shift at work, so I am picking up her boys from school until she gets daycare lined up. They are 9 and 4. I’ve picked the 9 year old up a million times, but the 4 year old just started Kindergarten so this is my first time picking him up and it’s a new school who doesn’t know me.

I arrive at the Kindergarten doors and wait while a bunch of kids filter out to their Moms. One teacher is trying to hold them all back to ensure she knows where everyone is going. A little girl is staring at me, and finally asks: Who’s Mom are you? I explain I am M’s Aunt, and she tells me she will go get him.

She brings out a tiny little boy, pushes him into my legs and walks away. I look down to see these little eyes, wide with terror, looking back up at me. This is NOT my M. His name may be M, but he’s not MY M. Just then, the teacher notices and comes rushing over to pull the little boy to her side. “You’re not his Mom.” She says, eyeing me skeptically.

“I know, that little girl just pushed him to me.” I say, but of course the little is gone home now and nowhere to be seen. I explained who I’m looking for, and she directs me to another set of doors all the while glaring through my skin in uncertainty.

I hurry over to the other doors and spot my M, there, pushed up against the wall like he’s supposed to be. His teacher is running through the adults in the line, asking who they are and who they’re looking for. Then she asks the child if that person is who they say they are, and if all is well they send the child off. I anticipate this lessens as the year goes on and the teachers get to know the parents, but as school has just been in session for a month they are still asking a lot of the people who they don’t yet recognize. When she comes to me, I tell her I am M’s aunt and point him out.

She calls him forward and says : “Is this your aunt?”

He looks at me and then looks her right in the eye and says “Nope, I don’t have an Aunt.”

I am lucky I wasn’t arrested.

Thankfully my sister had pre-warned them that his curly haired Aunt with glasses would pick him up, and after asking a second time he finally admitted he knew me and she allowed us to go on our merry way.

And all I could think about on the way home was how, in a matter of 10 minutes, that school thinks I tried to steal two children who didn’t belong to me. And if they had known I was infertile and didn’t have any of my own but wanted them – then I absolutely would be in jail right now (even though – for the record – I didn’t actually try to steal ANYONE and the boy I left with was the one I came for at his Mother’s request!).


#Microblog Monday – Adoption Preparation

I feel like every has moved at a snail’s pace since we began this process – literally nothing happens quickly (except, perhaps, the actual placement one day).

For now, we’re waiting…waiting for dates on our parental training (mandatory for the type of adoption we’re doing) and home study. Until we get those dates, we can’t do much of anything except prepare our home and finances…so here are a few things we’re working on:

  1. Clearing out the three out buildings on our property. One is to be torn down, one moved to a better location and the third boarded up. (Also…sent Mr. Big to the dump with a load, he comes back horrified that I had almost thrown out his old CD’s from 1995 that he hasn’t touched in 500 years. Note to self: Don’t let Mr. Big go to the dump alone.)
  2. Dog training refresher to get our fur-babies manners up to date.
  3. Building an enclosed dog run outside – they normally have full run of the property, but then they enthusiastically greet anyone who shows up and not everyone likes that… I do not want them to smother the social worker…
  4. Sorting and organizing our paperwork. I am horrible at putting it all in a box and sealing it…which doesn’t make it easy to find the things we need!
  5. Preparing the spare bedroom for (hopefully) a new resident one day. We’re not buying any furniture except a dresser – because we don’t know if we will need a crib or a toddler bed or a bed…but I figured we can give it a new paint job, buy a nice rug and hang some artwork so it looks ready – or almost ready – for a new occupant.
  6. Purging my cupboards…I have accumulated a lot of stuff I don’t use and given how small our house is, it’s time to rehome it.
  7. Trying to convince Mr. Big to build me a full wall storage unit so we can move the things we’ve been storing in the spare room into the unit.

If anyone has any advice for the adoption process, and preparations, I would love to hear them!

For more information on #microblogmondays – check out Mel’s blog here.


Wordy Wednesday

Before I tell you what amazing book I just devoured – I want to blather on for a moment (please, bear with me):


You guys, this adoption process is NO JOKE (and we’re just at the beginning). The application process is massive, invasive and super thorough. I knew this, and yet it is still surprising me how thorough it is. I am calling my adoption worker every few days to clarify something or other….I just, so badly, want to provide them all the right information so we get approved. There is literally nothing that would make them not approve us, but I’m still worried we’ll get rejected (I guess being rejected every month for like 7 years by Motherhood makes you constantly fear it). I’ve also learned that when it comes to adoption – nothing moves quickly. Nothing. Anyone who has any advice, especially on public adoption in Canada, please share!!

I tried to start a new blog to chronicle our adoption and my PCOS journey, but I couldn’t make it feel right. So I closed it down and posted the post I had put there, here. I just can’t help myself – this is my spaceI don’t actually know why I was thinking I needed a new space…I follow blogs who are TTC, parenting, adopting, parenting adopted children, living childfree, young and unmarried and not even thinking of children….so I don’t know why I thought this blog could only be one thing. So here I am, an unpredictable mess of things: actively adopting, but hoping for a natural pregnancy too. Thanks for reading along!

Now onto my book:

Caroline, Little House Revisited by Sarah Miller.

I grew up loving Little House, and this book was a perfect homage to an underdeveloped main character in the series – always there, but never really delved into.

I found the book to be true to her character, while deepening our understanding of who, exactly, she is. I loved the sweet, Little House-ness of the novel – keeping perfectly in tune, with a slight spin, on the true nature of the series. When you’re rehashing an old favourite, it’s so important to stay as close to true as possible – and I really feel Sarah Miller did that.

I loved this booked. It was sweet, gentle, realistic and honest – and I thorough enjoyed getting to know Caroline as more than the constant matriarch of the family, but as a woman, too. A must read for anyone who loved Little House!


Thankful for PCOS

It’s Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada – so Happy Thanksgiving! I hope your weekend was full of food, friends and family. 🙂

When I first heard of PCOS, all I could think about was women with beards (cue panic attack!). It terrified me, but thankfully I had virtually no symptoms (except visibly polycystic ovaries diagnosed on an ultrasound). I dreaded the day I would wake up to my first, ruthless chin hair… living in constant fear of the inevitability of the symptoms – and with little knowledge about the syndrome, I had no tools to prevent any of them. (Spoiler alert: the day did come where I got my first chin hair, and the world did not end).

The further we got into trying to have a baby, the more severe my PCOS symptoms became. I went from someone without a single symptom, to someone with almost all of them at one time or another.

Here’s the tricky thing about PCOS – it has this way of completely un-womanizing you: making you infertile, emotional, and hairy to boot. I felt like an incomplete woman, an incomplete wife and a failure as a potential Mother. It, literally, took away everything that made me feel feminine (I was growing facial hair!! (although, it was significantly less than I feared)). On top of it all, I couldn’t even do the ONE THING women’s bodies are built for: childbearing. It was a very dark time for me, I was 100% disconnected from myself as a woman and my marriage.

Then it all began to change when I realized that somehow, in spite of it all, Mr. Big continued to love me as fiercely as always. Actually, he loved me more (enough for both of us) because I was too broken to love myself. The need to wax my chin did not even faze him, the extra meat on my bones didn’t turn him away and the lack of baby only made him sad for my broken heart. Absolutely nothing in his actions validated my harsh feelings towards myself, and slowly – very slowly – I came to see myself more as he saw me, and less as the cruel thoughts in my head.

Yes, I was growing facial hair. Yes, I was plumper than I’d ever been. Yes, I was emotional and irregular and annovulatory. Yes, I was infertile. But none of those things were the reasons Mr. Big married me. He did not marry me for my smooth face, my thin frame, my calm, normal periods (haha), or for my fertility. He married me because of the person I was underneath all of that – the person I was in my soul. The same person that my family and friends loved. The same person that my work appreciated, and my friends came to in times of need. Realizing that was what made me a stronger person. My body is just temporary: it will change with time, age and experience. But my soul – that’s permanent – and something I will carry with me always.

From there I realized how very lucky I am: Mr. Big is wonderful. He is such a good, kind, gentle man and I am so very blessed to have him. Knowing that he stuck by me through such a difficult time, and loved me when I was too hurt to love myself, showed me the kind of man he really is. It made me love him harder and more, which has – in turn – allowed him to love me harder and more. The thing about love is, the more you love yourself – the more open you are to be loved. The more he taught me to love myself, the more I was open to receiving love, and the more rich and full my life became. Realizing this is what has made our marriage stronger. 

Without PCOS, I am not sure either of us would have learned all that we have, and all that we continue to, on this journey. Every day it makes me a stronger woman and a stronger wife, and every day it makes him a stronger man and a stronger husband. It is also what has driven us down this adoption path that has been so very fulfilling, already.

So this weekend, while it is a time for Thanksgiving, I have to say I am particularly thankful for PCOS. At times I truly felt it was ruining my life, but it really was just taking it apart and rebuilding me as a stronger, better person…and for that, I am so very thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving – I hope you all find yourselves surrounded by love and peace this holiday!

Chiro – Part 2, and Other Things

On Monday I wrote about this – go on over and read it, if you have a minute (it’s short!).

On Tuesday, I went for a “short” information session that all new clients are told they must attend. I was completely, utterly, horrified at the things I was told during this “short” (60 minute) information session….

  1. It begins with testimonies from clients who have stage IV cancers, rare blood disorders, and Type I Diabetes – that have (spoiler alert) been cured once they began receiving regular Chiro. adjustments from this specific brand of clinic (not just ANY chiro. will do).
  2. It continues to talk about the dangers of having a subluxation (which I am told I have) and how the ultimate result of failing to treat a subluxation is “untimely death”. (Word for word). They claim to have multiple patients of all different ages who have died of subluxation (please note, I work at the local Hospital and never ever heard of death by “subluxation”).
  3. Then the Chiropractor gives a couple examples of times she saved the lives of patients living with rare or terminal illnesses by adjusting their spine.
  4. She explained how all disease – cancer, heart disease, asthma, epilepsy, alzheimers (she called it “Ald Timers”) and Diabetes begin to develop in your body at birth – so adjustments from birth are absolutely necessary. Medical Doctors are not real doctors, and not equipped to treat patients. All they are capable of is treating symptoms, they have not now – or ever – cured someone of any illness.
  5. In closing, she talks about how the founder of the clinic’s wife died, just two weeks ago, of mets. cancer. They know that, had she received Chiropratic adjustments 25 years earlier, she would never have developed cancer. She explained that if we have children, we are not allowed to be a patient unless we bring our children in for adjustment too – because it is our parental duties to protect our children in any way can, beginning with proper chiropractic care.

I wish I was making this up. What’s even scarier, is that this clinic is very well attended. Half of the audience was buying into every single word that she said…the other half looked unsure, and skeptical.

I absolutely believe in the necessity and the benefit of all forms of health care – not just medicine. However…I cannot, ever, get behind someone who claims to have a miracle cure for a hundred major diseases without any evidence to substantiate that and the fact that the cost for treat is extremely high, for very long periods of time (for instance, I was told it would take 48 months of twice weekly adjustments to fix my subluxation, to the tune of $6000 – to be paid in a lump sum, before my first adjustment. And that I must get my first adjustment this week, or else the detriment can never be repaired and I could face untimely death). To me, this is all fear mongering and propaganda and it’s not fair…they are preying on people who are suffering with lifelong or terminal illness and desperate for a solution – and who are willing to pay every penny they have or don’t have on a chance to extend their life or improve their living situation. And here is this “Doctor” with video testimonies, claiming to have a miracle cure….of course they are willing to max out their credit cards/loans for a chance to have relief.

It logically makes sense – spine out alignment = reduced blood flow to major organs. Aligning the spine = improved blood flow to major organs = organs work better. But they don’t lay it out like that, they lace it with threats of death and promises to cure something no level of modern medicine can cure.

It just seems criminal all around. I did not book my adjustment, in case you’re wondering… I would rather just deal with head aches thank you very much.

In other news, we applied for adoption!!!! This means we have many months of home studies and special training ahead of us – but it’s official: we are going to adopt.

Part of me is absolutely terrified we will not get accepted (although, I have NO reason to be worried about that…I just am) and the rest of me is beyond excited. I cannot wait to be matched with a child (it will be a child, not a baby most likely) and begin our difficult, but rewarding journey into parenthood. Ever since we made the official decision, and that we were going to adopt through Child Services, it has felt so right. I’m am always smiling, certain this is the right choice for us…and I’m excited to tell anyone I can. It just feels like we’re on the right path (does that even make sense?).

Cross your fingers for me! Navigating the public, Children’s Aid system is not easy – but it will be so worth it to give a child a home!

#microblogmondays – The cure for IF

I have been having this painful problem with my neck for a year. I’ve been through the medical system, massage and physio and now have decided to try Chiro. (at this point, it’s worth a shot). I have mixed feelings about Chiropractics … I know lots of people who swear by it, but what unsettles me is that once they start going, they are never able to stop.

I had my consultation on Friday. I first filled out a mile long questionnaire, had some tests, and then chatted with the Doctor.

She began by asking me how many kids I have, to which I explained none. She then explained to me how infertility can be cured with an adjustment, and regular adjustments after. She explained how if I had come to her at the beginning of my fertility journey, she could have saved me from all of the meds, tests and pain. All the time she was explaining this, her assistant was nodding along enthusiastically.

I was so stunned, I just took the package she gave me and left without speaking my mind. Now I wish I had, but I will see her again tomorrow to find out how much her miracle cure will cost me (for my neck, not my infertility)…and I have been tossing around a few words in my head.

There is little that makes me more angry than people who swoop in, on the heels of years of treatment for one condition or another, and proclaim to have a miracle cure. Sure, the new person may have something helpful to offer – but pretending that your cure could have saved that person the years of treatment is both insulting and degrading. Do you honestly think I haven’t researched everything to find something to help? Do you honestly think my GP hasn’t spent more of her free time than she ever should researching the unorthodox treatments I’ve asked her opinion on? (she has, I have an amazing GP). Do you honestly think my GP is so cruel, and ignorant, that she wouldn’t refer me to this treatment if it proved to be valid sometime in the last 7 years? Or, if not her, then how about the other 5 specialists I have seen for my infertility? (My feelings on how the modern world loves to view Physicians as villains looking to prescribe anything that will line their pocket books is for another post, as it is both long and winded.)

I have to be honest, I would love to have them prove me wrong and for this to actually fix more than my neck – but let’s be realistic here. I understand how Chiro works and it is common sense that where there is a restriction in blood flow, there will be problems, and where there is a return to full blood flow, there will be improvement – but it is no miracle cure for infertility and the simple act of a few adjustments isn’t going to fix the condition I have grappled with for almost 7 years. Lastly, I didn’t come for infertility. I came for my neck, and would love to keep my treatment focused on that.

Do any of you go to a Chiropractor? Have you ever heard of this? Is she an odd-ball, or is this standard for Chiropractics?

See here for more information on how you can participate too.

The Tree Frog Saga: Or, the my-husband-and-dogs-are-freeloaders Saga.

I have an interesting story to share, and includes plenty of oversharing (because, that’s my jam):

Around Friday last week I noticed a little tree frog stuck to our front door window. I thought it was kind of neat and left him be to chill out on the cool glass. When I went out later that day, he was gone.

On Saturday morning, I opened the door to let the dogs out and there was the frog again. When I went out later that day, he was no where to be seen.

On Sunday morning, I opened the door to let the dogs out and didn’t see the frog. Once the dogs were back in (and back in their beds) I went to the bathroom to pee. Just as I was sitting down on the toilet, movement caught the corner of my eye. (Good thing I was already on the toilet, because I’m pretty sure I would have peed myself if I wasn’t). Imagine my shock when I realized it was a little frog and he jumped right towards me. I screamed (because, it’s 5 in the morning and I wasn’t expecting anything to jump at me). I also want to take a moment to point out that I never scream, so you would think my scream might startle the four other beings in my house (one husband, three dogs). But no…they couldn’t even be bothered to wake up, let alone come rescue me. Thank goodness it wasn’t a serial killer or I wouldn’t be here to tell this story!

I nagged Mr. Big until he got up and relocated the tree frog to a tree outside (in his underwear, with his eyes still closed…I’m not even sure if he was awake or just sleep walking).

On Monday morning, I went to let the dogs out and there was Mr. Tree frog again, hanging out on the window. I wasn’t careful enough and he fell down onto the floor and then hopped off down the hallway. I tried to catch him but I am not a “things-that-move-and-jump-unpredictably-and-might-be-slimy” kinda girl so after much nagging, Mr. Big came (in his undies, eyes closed, still sleeping) and put him back on the tree outside.

On Tuesday night (last night), Mr. Big came home from a late night fire call to the tree frog on his way across the deck. He grabbed him, carried him to a tree that is across the yard and “explained” to him that he is a tree frog, and should live in a tree. Our door is not a tree. Apparently, tree frogs don’t have ears or if they do, they don’t speak English because this morning (6ish hours after Mr. Big read him his rights) I found the tree frog, once again, stuck to our window.

I’ve realized – for whatever reason – he thinks our door is his home. And to be honest, he’s got grit: we relocated him every day for like 4 days and he continued to come back. I kind of think he’s earned his right to stick to our window. (I’d just prefer him not in the house, because, you know…creepy crawlies/jumpies aren’t my thing.) So now we have a pet tree frog who lives on our front door. His name is Sebastian (because, he needs a name and I am a firm believer in full names that can be used for sophisticated events like dinner parties). (He’s like a wal.mart greeter, but not for wal.mart, not old (or, he doesn’t have grey hair) and not really that friendly…so probably not really like a walm.art greeter at all…)


He likes long hops through grass, moonlight serenades and cool glass windows to press his little sticky feet to. Welcome to the family, Sebastian.

P.S: My dogs will chase a leaf/squirrel/frog/plastic bag/thing that isn’t really there across the yard, barking and trying to eat it. But when there is a living, breathing creature – who shouldn’t be there – in my house???

“You’ve got that, right? We’re pretty busy….”

I need new guard dogs…perhaps guardier, doggier and less free-loadery ones.

P.P.S: Mr. Big, while he did dispose of the frog twice, only did so at my incessant nagging and I’m pretty sure he didn’t even wake up for it so I’m not sure he gets any points. What is the point in having a big, strong firefighter hubby if, in an emergency*, he reacts by continuing to snore? His defense was “that’s why we have dogs, your beef is obviously with the dogs, and not me…because they’re the ones not doing their jobs and being free loaders.” Touche, Mr. Big, touche.

P.P.P.S: I need to take a self defense course because CLEARLY I’m on my own.

P.P.P.P.S: I am not actually afraid of frogs…I just don’t like things that sneak up on you, and do unpredictable things like jump at your face with ninja stars in their hands paws hooves feet (?) (what are their feet called??). OK, maybe I made up the ninja stars bit…

*Totally know this was NOT an emergency, and Mr. Big is still my hero even if he didn’t leap from bed, armed and at the ready, to save his damsel in distress from a teeny, tiny, little tree frog who *literally* cannot hurt me.