#microblogmondays – 2018

Happy New Year Friends!

I hope you find whatever you’re looking for this year. I wish you all peace, love and happiness. I hope you have the grace and courage to face your challenges head on, and the support and strength to endure them. Most of all, I hope the year ends on a happy, healthy note for you all.

I have seen a lot of people identify their word of the year for 2018. This idea intrigues me because I have never been one for resolutions. So I think I will jump aboard this train and select a word for 2018:


  • Physical healing for my body – learning to balance my hormones and PCOS as naturally as possible so that my body will heal itself (I picked up a copy of the Womancode, and combined with my supplement regimen and rigorous workout schedule – I have very high hopes for the new year).
  • Emotional Healing for my mind and heart.
  • Relationship Healing for my marriage and my friendships. When it comes to relationships, I am a door mat and find it very hard to be assertive – which often leads to one sided relationships where I do all the work, and no one else does. I plan to work on that this year.
  • Financial Healing for our peace of mind. I have always been so careful with money but over the last few months (and in the wake of everything else going on) I have really let go of the reigns, and it’s time to reel us back in and get us back on track.
  • Spiritual Healing for my soul.

I really think 2018 is going to be a year of healing for me as an individual, and for us as a couple. Hopefully, in healing my body, mind and soul – we can open the door to the many beautiful things life has to offer.

What are your goals or words for 2018? What do you hope it brings you?

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See Ya 2017

To recap:

  1. I read a lot of books
  2. Took a handful of trips – although none of them out of country (sometimes, that’s OK!)
  3. Tried some new things:
    • Ice fishing rental weekend
    • A week in the mountains skiing
    • Discovering Win.ners (I know, where the eff have I been)
    • Mastering the homemade baileys recipe
    • A hundred new recipes
    • I discovered Mr. Big can COOK
    • First time at the Christmas Market
    • Tried a supplement concoction that is actually helping my PCOS
    • Discovered the benefits (and the hazards) of Chiropractics
  4. I rekindled an old friendship and am so glad I did
  5. I made a shit-ton of memories
  6. Had my heart completely broken

It’s been a trying year: some good, some bad, lots of laughs and a little more cries than I normally like. But overall, I don’t consider it a bad year. It’s brought us our very biggest obstacle yet, and to say we’ve figured it out would be a lie: but we are working very, very hard at it and learning so very much in the process.

I am happy to close up 2017 and move into 2018. The last few months have been the hardest yet – and while things are getting better every day, the pain of those few months will be etched into the end of 2017 for a long time.

Thank you to my friends, my readers, who followed through even though it got a little messy this year. Thank you for your support and kindness when I needed it most. I have so enjoyed watching your lives unfold – and all of the good things that have happened this year makes me so happy. And please always know that I am there for the sad things too, grieving with you.

Thank you all! I hope you all have a wonderful New Years – and bring in 2018 with your loved ones and nothing but hope and light.



In just three short days, it will be here. Isn’t that crazy? It passed so quickly!

This year has not been like other years. I really struggled to find my Christmas Spirit – something I ALWAYS had in abundance before. I’m sure it’s because it’s also been the most difficult year we’ve had yet, and I am eager to close the doors on 2017 and open up to 2018.

Given how difficult this year has been, I’ve decided to spend the holidays carefully. I took all next week off (I’ve never done that before) and I plan to spend my time sleeping in, lazily sipping coffee, reading books, playing my violin, walking the dogs, sledding with the boys, and snuggling with Mr. Big. I’ve also been planning to turn our spare room into a home gym for a long time, and I think I will do that this off week. I am hoping to come back in the New Year restored and feeling stronger.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, filled with love, peace and rest! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your families!


Melting Pot Post


It’s been a while! Due to the busyness of the holidays, and the work I’ve been doing in my personal life and marriage – I have been struggling to find the words to post.

But I am feeling MUCH better these days – so here I go with a melting pot kind of post to update. Get comfortable, this is going to be a long one.

  • Mr. Big and I are doing well. So well. Our MC (marriage counselor) is wonderful and we are growing so, so much as a couple. I don’t think we have ever felt more connected…and we are really looking forward to our future. Obviously, we still have a lot of work to do – but we are so hopeful and determined to make this just a memory in our marriage. Our entire perspective on life, on marriage and on ourselves is shifting and it’s truly a wonderful thing. Again, thank you all for being so supportive and not-judgmental as I shared this horrible experience. It really means the world to me. All my love to you all.
  • I am struggling with a new-to-me condition: generalized anxiety. It came out of no where and knocked me flat on my back – but I am feeling good about the combination of skills training and medication to help combat the panic. The goal is, of course, to not need any medication and just be able to function on my own. I am exponentially better this week than I was last week, and I hope that pattern continues into the new year. My Doctor believes this is just a temporary condition and will alleviate as my personal life settles down – I hope she is right.
  • Our adoption is officially on hold…we’ve notified our caseworker. I was devastated at first, but then I realized – obviously – it was not a good idea to try and adopt when our marriage was in such a messy place. We hope to be back at it again by this time next year…but we plan to take everything as it comes and re-evaluate as time passes. Our marriage is our first priority.
  • On the flip side of that…my last three periods have been completely normal (32 day cycles, 5 day periods, with ovulation mid-cycle). I can only attribute this to the Inositol and vitamin regimen …because nothing else has changed. I can’t help but hope that if I’m ovulating on my own, then I can get pregnant on my own! (I’ve realized that I will never be able to give up on my hope and dream to get pregnant!)
  • For the first time this season, I can say I am really looking forward to Christmas. I am feeling so much better about myself, and my marriage, and cannot wait to overindulge in some good food and family time in the coming weeks. For the first time ever, I took all next week off – so I plan to make some special memories with my nephews and spend some quality time with my sisters and friends during that time.
  • I spent an evening Christmas shopping with my oldest friend – who I had been avoiding because I didn’t want to tell her about what was happening in my personal life. However, as always, I told her everything and felt SO MUCH BETTER instantly. I am so blessed to have a friend like that who has known me since we were 6 – and who knows me better than I know myself. Telling her everything, and her being so kind and non-judgmental was exactly what I needed. I forgot how important those friends are.
  • The pups are rambunctious as always, and the other day Luna brought a dead mouse inside and dropped it at my feet like it was a prize. I almost died, and then spent the next 20 minutes outside in my PJ’s on the deck freezing while we waited for Mr. Big to come home and get rid of it (because I don’t do dead things).

I think that’s plenty for an update! Thank you for reading this far – and I’d love to hear about what you’re up to, and how you’re feeling about the holidays in your comments below!

#microblogmondays – Showers

In the last year, everyone around me seems to be getting engaged, married, home buying or having babies. So my calendar is full of showers of all shapes and sizes.

I’ve noticed a bizarre trend across the board: requesting your guests bring gift cards or cash only.

Has anyone else encountered that?

When I married Mr. Big, we lived across the country from our parents. We eloped. When we went home to have a big party with our families, we requested no gifts – just the gift of their presence. My MIL wanted us to requests cash/ giftcards and I refused. I was raised that gifts are just that: gifts. Something thoughtful from the giver, within their rights to chose what, how much, who and when…and I am and always will be very thankful for every gift I get. I have yet to ever take a single gift back for any reason (except when it’s the wrong size, and then just to change sizes). A gift is a gift, and I am so thankful to have people who love me enough to spend their hard earned money on me, no matter how large or small the amount is.

So … I’m not really sure what to make of this new request… what if I don’t want to give you cash or a gift card? (Truthfully, normally I would – I think just being TOLD I need to, makes me not want to). What if I want to get you a perfectly lovely teapot because I know you love tea? Or a perfectly lovely duvet cover because yours is all worn? Or tickets to a show I know you’ll enjoy? Or what if I couldn’t afford to do any of those things and I was going to spend $8 on some warm, snuggly fleece and spend the next 2 weeks quilting you a warm, snuggly blanket for your TV Room (that would retail at $200)….am I expected to, instead, tuck my $8 into an envelope for everyone to see and not feel any shame or embarrassment? Or am I expected to either come up with the remaining $92 or not come at all?

That’s the problem with insisting on cash gifts…it assigns a dollar value to something that cannot always be captured by a dollar sign. So it makes people feel bad…and the last thing I want at a shower is to feel bad or to make someone else feel bad.

What do you think? Have you been to one like this, or have you been someone who requested gift cards or cash? I’d love to hear your perspectives.

Baby Showers Suck

I kind of alluded in my Monday post to an awkward baby shower on Sunday…here are the details.

In the past, I have handled baby showers quite well…but now I’m over 30 (my previous deadline to be done child bearing and I haven’t even begun), and it’s been 6 years of failure after failure…and my patience for these things is running out really fast.

On Sunday I had a baby shower for my cousin, who is 21 and also a PCOS sufferer. Unlike me, she had every classic symptom of PCOS and was pretty much told she would struggle immensely to have children. She was only 18 when she found out, and I was a support for her through the initial diagnosis. She wasn’t planning on having children until over 30, so she wasn’t worried at all. I worried enough for both of us … knowing she likely had a hard road ahead of her.

Imagine my surprise when she announced she had accidentally gotten pregnant with her on again-off again boyfriend (they just had sex ONE TIME and bam, pregnant). Add with that the fact that neither she, nor her boyfriend, have jobs or go to school and they live in a room in her Mom’s already overcrowded house. Fast forward 7 months – they still do not have jobs, and are not trying to get jobs, and still live with her Mother in one tiny room too small for their bed and a crib. There has been zero preparation for this babies arrival. At the shower on Sunday, she announced that the first sleeper she was given was the very first sleeper she had for the baby…who is due in just 6 weeks. She was given a bassinet by her Aunt and Uncle, and she said she is so relieved because that is the only bed for the baby – and hopefully he won’t grow out of it for a couple years because there is no space for a bigger bed (a couple YEARS…babies grow out of bassinets in a couple months!).

I am trying SO HARD not to judge, but you guys…I’m JUDGING.


Add onto all of that – they had this stupid game where cupcakes were baked, and one had a baby inside. Whoever got the baby was the next new Mama, and got a prize plus was given the hat they made from the ribbons and bows (as a kind of “passing of the torch”).

Naturally, I avoided this game like the plague. I knew I couldn’t handle it.

My Mom and sisters didn’t, though, so OF COURSE my Mom was the one to get the stupid baby. The hostess then announced it must be a grandchild, and every looked at me because neither of my sisters want more kids.

Cue the intelligent, kind women I know turning into blubbering, baby starved fools. There were comments “When ARE you going to get pregnant?”, or “It’s about time…you’ve been married HOW long?” and my personal favourite “Enjoy your social life, sleeping in and quiet house now because babies change everything!”…followed by knowing giggles and belly pokes. They didn’t seem to mind that I am not actually pregnant nor the fact that a stupid game of luck doesn’t determine when or if I will ever get pregnant.

I bailed immediately after. I didn’t even say goodbye to anyone, and I didn’t take the stupid ribbon hat.

I think I will stay home from baby showers going forward.

Do you go to baby showers? What are some tricks/tips you use to get through them?


#Microblog Mondays – Christmas

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This weekend was busy – beginning with a visit to the Christmas Market after work on Friday (sidenote: it is TOO FAR to go on a workday!). My girlfriends and I walked around in the cold night air, under the twinkling lights, sipping mulled cider and soaked it all in….this is TOTALLY going to be an annual tradition.


It was beautiful and put me right in the mood for some decorating…even though it’s usually a little early for me…I was so Christmas-ey when I got home that I just couldn’t wait!

Saturday – Mr. Big and I spent the day together…it was lovely and so, so needed. We had a busy morning shopping and running errands, and then a lazy afternoon.  We ended it with dinner out at a new restaurant, followed by our favourite Christmas movies (Home Alone 1 & 2) and the putting up of our decorations.


I also scored these adorable mugs for our Christmas morning tradition – I hope we get many, MANY more Christmases out of these two!


Sunday I had a baby shower that was emotionally draining (it was announced to everyone 3 different times that I was “next” … blarg), and so I bailed early and then spent the afternoon getting started on my Christmas card making. Just a handful of the styles I’m making this year:

While I love Christmas, I often find I am overwhelmed with the holidays – they’re emotionally draining, they’re busy, they’re family centered and they’re loud with a lot of expectations – but I’m slowly realizing that little things like special mugs and a quiet afternoon making cards really help me to get through it and still have a smile on my face. So even though I don’t have a “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament on my tree, or a cute little Christmas sweater that reads “Future Cookie Stealer” across the belly…I still have things to look forward to.

Have you put up your decorations yet? When do you do it?