Let’s start with the obvious. I have not been around lately. I know, I know…but it’s for good reasons. Life has been full lately and I have not had the energy or the heart to write. But I’m back now, and I have a lot to say – are you ready?? (Edit: Have you peed? Do you have a drink and some snacks?). Here we go:
#1) We went on vacation, ya’ll!! We initially had a trip to the Bahamas planned – but received a warning from our cruise line about confirmed Zika in the area, and in the warning it stated that the risk is not just for pregnant women – but any couple TTC. It could take up to 6 months for the risk to clear if Mr. Big caught it (?!?!?!!). That was just too much risk for us, so we took the offer from our cruise line to cancel without penalty and instead had a stay-cation. We spent the first three days at a local ski resort, skiing and relaxing in the hot tub. The last two days we spent ice fishing – a passion of Mr. Big’s. I have to admit, it is really growing on me! This was our catch from just 1 hour on our last day…so many fish!
#2) There is something in the water over here… I work in a department of just 16 people. Of those 16, 3 are pregnant and 1 is on mat leave right now. On top of that, Mr. Big’s cousin who got married 3.5 months ago has announced she is three months pregnant (meaning she got pregnant on or shortly after her honeymoon…everyone’s dream, right?) and my cousin who is all shades of a hot mess just announced she is also pregnant (and unmarried, and unemployed, and without a high school diploma, and still living in her parents basement, and unable to take care of her own basic needs….and, and, and). Then there is the woman who I work with who is halfway through her second pregnancy – and, like the first pregnancy, she takes every chance she can get to lament how inconvenient pregnancy and child rearing is and how she is only doing this for her husband… Now, I know this sounds bitter (and it is), but please don’t think for a second I don’t wish all of these women the very best in their pregnancies and motherhood journeys. It’s not that I ill wish them at all. It’s just that it’s now 5 years trying without any kind of success, and it all seems to hurt a lot more than it ever did before….so hearing of others success (especially when it is seemingly without effort) is so hard to hear. I’m 30 now. I wanted to be done having kids by 30 – and I figured starting at 24 should have made that goal attainable. Then when I hit 26 and 27, I decided even one kid by 30 was good. Then at 28 I decided a pregnancy at 30 was enough. Now here I am at 30 with an empty womb, empty arms, and an aching heart.
#3) There are SO many changes in my life. My workplace is undergoing restructuring which may, in the long run, put my Mom out of a job…which is SUPER hard. I worry a lot about that, knowing how hard it is to find work in the area. At the same time, I was offered a promotion that I ultimately turned down … and while I think I made the right choice, I am not 100% sure. Between deciding about my job, and worrying about my Mom’s, it has been so stressful. I don’t think I’ve had a good nights sleep in weeks.
#4) Why didn’t anyone warn me as a kid that the older I get, the older the people I love get? Gone are the days that an odd symptom is brushed off with a “wait and see approach”. Now, my parents and aunts/uncles are all in the “better run some tests” stage…and it’s a scary place to be! The last 6 months alone have yielded 5 biopsies for my parents and aunts/uncles in that age group (50s and up)… We have been so blessed that it’s all been benign, but it is so scary! If I go to the doctor with a weird lady problem, I usually have to do blood work or wait and see – but if my Mom does, it’s off for an ultrasound and a uterine lining biopsy simply because she is in the age group where serious things are more common to crop up. Scary stuff! I just want to put everyone I love in a bubble so we can all be safe together!
#5) This Trump business is getting really scary. I mean, it always was, but it’s getting scarier by the minute. I have a very good friend who is living in San Francisco…where he has lived happily for 5 years. For the first time ever, he and his husband were followed by a gang of teenagers who were both menacing and terrifying. They chanted “Trump wants you gone. Trump wants you gone.” and followed closely, trying to intimidate them. My friends were able to seek refuge in a local restaurant, where the staff came to their defense – but they actually had to call the police to get the gang to clear. They were then escorted home…a night meant to be a fun movie date turned into one of the scariest things of their lives. In San Francisco of all places. I know their chant was something made up by a gang of teenagers, but it just shows that the “right” to hate is becoming more common place…making people more bold. Ugh, I feel sick thinking about it and I hope they never experience anything like that again.
#6) We are in a deep freeze right now. Like, the entire area is under a thick sheet of ice. This is day 4 of the iciness…and I have wiped out 3 times. THREE TIMES! It’s not uncommon to get a lot of ice here because it is so damp and humid – but considering the rest of our winter has been balmy with hardly any snow, it’s kind of rude that all of a sudden it wants to be winter now. Hello – we’re half way through February – go away icy coldness. No one likes you.
#7) Are you watching Criminal Minds? It is SO good this year! Well, OK, it’s good every year but this year it is SOO good. So is Man with a Plan (Joey Tribioni for the win!) and Kevin Can Wait and Chopped Junior. Do you watch Chopped Junior? Only watch it if you’re ready to feel like you WASTED your childhood playing and building forts…because these kids are making things like Pate a Choux while I was working on how many marshmallows I could fit in my mouth at once. #canyousayunderachiever
Ok, I think that’s it for now. If you’re still with me, thanks for reading! If you’re not still with me, thanks for trying and I don’t blame you! I will end with a super cute picture of the Furries and their
cocaine snow habit. (It’s not an addiction, they can quit any time they want to, they swear).
What’s happening in your world right now?? I’d love to hear from you!