#Microblog Monday – Adoption Preparation

I feel like every has moved at a snail’s pace since we began this process – literally nothing happens quickly (except, perhaps, the actual placement one day).

For now, we’re waiting…waiting for dates on our parental training (mandatory for the type of adoption we’re doing) and home study. Until we get those dates, we can’t do much of anything except prepare our home and finances…so here are a few things we’re working on:

  1. Clearing out the three out buildings on our property. One is to be torn down, one moved to a better location and the third boarded up. (Also…sent Mr. Big to the dump with a load, he comes back horrified that I had almost thrown out his old CD’s from 1995 that he hasn’t touched in 500 years. Note to self: Don’t let Mr. Big go to the dump alone.)
  2. Dog training refresher to get our fur-babies manners up to date.
  3. Building an enclosed dog run outside – they normally have full run of the property, but then they enthusiastically greet anyone who shows up and not everyone likes that… I do not want them to smother the social worker…
  4. Sorting and organizing our paperwork. I am horrible at putting it all in a box and sealing it…which doesn’t make it easy to find the things we need!
  5. Preparing the spare bedroom for (hopefully) a new resident one day. We’re not buying any furniture except a dresser – because we don’t know if we will need a crib or a toddler bed or a bed…but I figured we can give it a new paint job, buy a nice rug and hang some artwork so it looks ready – or almost ready – for a new occupant.
  6. Purging my cupboards…I have accumulated a lot of stuff I don’t use and given how small our house is, it’s time to rehome it.
  7. Trying to convince Mr. Big to build me a full wall storage unit so we can move the things we’ve been storing in the spare room into the unit.

If anyone has any advice for the adoption process, and preparations, I would love to hear them!

For more information on #microblogmondays – check out Mel’s blog here.

 

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#microblogmondays – The cure for IF

I have been having this painful problem with my neck for a year. I’ve been through the medical system, massage and physio and now have decided to try Chiro. (at this point, it’s worth a shot). I have mixed feelings about Chiropractics … I know lots of people who swear by it, but what unsettles me is that once they start going, they are never able to stop.

I had my consultation on Friday. I first filled out a mile long questionnaire, had some tests, and then chatted with the Doctor.

She began by asking me how many kids I have, to which I explained none. She then explained to me how infertility can be cured with an adjustment, and regular adjustments after. She explained how if I had come to her at the beginning of my fertility journey, she could have saved me from all of the meds, tests and pain. All the time she was explaining this, her assistant was nodding along enthusiastically.

I was so stunned, I just took the package she gave me and left without speaking my mind. Now I wish I had, but I will see her again tomorrow to find out how much her miracle cure will cost me (for my neck, not my infertility)…and I have been tossing around a few words in my head.

There is little that makes me more angry than people who swoop in, on the heels of years of treatment for one condition or another, and proclaim to have a miracle cure. Sure, the new person may have something helpful to offer – but pretending that your cure could have saved that person the years of treatment is both insulting and degrading. Do you honestly think I haven’t researched everything to find something to help? Do you honestly think my GP hasn’t spent more of her free time than she ever should researching the unorthodox treatments I’ve asked her opinion on? (she has, I have an amazing GP). Do you honestly think my GP is so cruel, and ignorant, that she wouldn’t refer me to this treatment if it proved to be valid sometime in the last 7 years? Or, if not her, then how about the other 5 specialists I have seen for my infertility? (My feelings on how the modern world loves to view Physicians as villains looking to prescribe anything that will line their pocket books is for another post, as it is both long and winded.)

I have to be honest, I would love to have them prove me wrong and for this to actually fix more than my neck – but let’s be realistic here. I understand how Chiro works and it is common sense that where there is a restriction in blood flow, there will be problems, and where there is a return to full blood flow, there will be improvement – but it is no miracle cure for infertility and the simple act of a few adjustments isn’t going to fix the condition I have grappled with for almost 7 years. Lastly, I didn’t come for infertility. I came for my neck, and would love to keep my treatment focused on that.

Do any of you go to a Chiropractor? Have you ever heard of this? Is she an odd-ball, or is this standard for Chiropractics?

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#Microblogmondays – Things I’ve Learned

It’s amazing: when you’re a teenager all of your energy is focused on figuring out who you are and what your place in the world looks like. You build off what you already know and add in a few changes and new things. Then, in your 20s, you do it again. And in your 30s, you do it again. And, I’d imagine, in my 40s, I’ll do it again.

Right now I am 13 days away from turning 31 and I am already feeling the stirring of my personal preferences – prepping for another layer of self awareness.

I already know who I am is made up of my family (including pets), my violin, reading, friends and spending time in nature. What is new to me now is that there is almost nothing I want more than to be at home, with Mr.Big and our pets. Any absence reminds me how much I enjoy our home and our family. I was never a homebody before – but now it’s what I look forward to whenever I’m away – even if I’m just at work. I love that I love home enough to look forward to it every single day and I love that home is Mr.Big, the pups and me. (Also, I’ve noticed I have a new love for a clean, orderly home and I draw great personal satisfaction in making it so.)

What changes have you seen in yourself in this stage of life? Do you find you seem to readjust yourself every decade or so?

For more #MicroblogMondays, and to see how you can join too, hop on over to Stirrup Queens.

 

#MicroblogMondays – The Most Beautiful Wedding Reception Ever

I have been to my share of weddings – plenty of traditional, and a few non-traditional. But last night I went to a wedding that took the cake (no pun intended) for the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen.

Firstly, you walk in under a canopy of hanging cherry blossoms that smell delicious… and it leads you to this:

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It was like something out of a magazine. There were leather couches everywhere, beautiful flowers, gorgeous chandeliers and Aerialists (women hanging from sheets from the ceiling, balancing/doing moves).

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The food was AMAZING. I expected Indian fare (as it was an Indian Wedding) – but it was all Western food…. pizza, salad, french fries, roast beef sandwiches, sliders and poutine. So delicious.

There were probably 300 guests, and only a handful of us were not Indian – which meant the outfits of 90% of the attendees were breathtaking. Beautiful linens, hand woven, bright colours, embroidered – gorgeous!

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The cake was massive – and beautiful!

Even though it was on a Sunday night, ran until the wee hours and I had to work for 6 am the next morning – it was TOTALLY worth it.

But for reals…what kind of a price tag do you think this would garner? I would think between $150K and $200K (gulp).

For more on MicroblogMondays – see Mel’s blog here!

#Microblogmondays – Confessions

I had one of those weekends that digs deep beneath the facade of your life, and rips from it (sometimes painfully) the truth of who you really are. There’s this thing that I’ve been rolling around in my brain for a while now, at first it began as a this little niggling that has grown into something much more. I cart it around like a dirty secret, guarding it from everyone, terrified to share it…but I need to share it. So here it is…my deep, dark confession early on a Monday: I don’t know if I want kids anymore.

Do you know what Mr. Big said when I told him? Yes, I feel that way too.

Here we were, carting around this scary, debilitating secret – privately, but in tandem – and we didn’t even know the other was having the same scary thoughts.

We spent Sunday morning in bed, wrapped in each others arms, having one of those heart to hearts that define your relationship. In the end, we determined 3 very important things:

  1. We still love kids. We LOVE kids. If kids came easy to us, we’d have a hundred at least four by now.
  2. But they don’t come easy to us, and this path – the one we are currently down while we TTC – is not only something we actually don’t want, but it feels very wrong for us. We both dread it in the way you dread a colonscopy.
  3. We would rather be a kick ass Aunt and Uncle, happily married, dedicated volunteers of many causes, dog parents, musicians, and productive members of society than go through what we will need to go through to become parents.

So where does this leave us? I don’t actually know. Mr. Big doesn’t know either. I guess that’s kind of how life works, isn’t it? All of us in this together, not really knowing. I can finally say I actually understand those bloggers who choose to pull the plug on conventional treatments, and just let whatever is going to happen, happen. I am there, now. Totally there. It doesn’t mean I don’t still hope for a miracle, that we will conceive, and everything will be ok. It doesn’t mean the idea of living out our life childless doesn’t fill me with sadness right now. It just means that we won’t, we cannot, commit to this life any more. Those of you who are deeper and further into it than me are amazing – and you deserve every thing you work and pray and hope for – because this shit is hard. Harder than anything I have ever been through – and for us, it is too hard to continue.

I’m not sure how, or what, we will tell our families. I feel the need to tell them something – perhaps just that we’ve decided to stop treatment and let life happen? I don’t know yet. I just know I can’t do this anymore, and neither can he.

For more on #microblogmonday, please see Mel’s blog Stirrup Queens

#Microblog Mondays – PCOS is Fickle

Has anyone noticed how fickle some reproductive conditions can be?

I have PCOS. It’s supposed to be what is causing my infertility, yet the only symptoms I have are irregular cycles (range between 28-42 days), occasional annovulation and a visibly polycystic ovary noted on my last laproscopic surgery. Yet I know people with PCOS, with pretty much every symptom in the book, who are conceiving easily and without issue.

What gives? Why does PCOS chose some people and not others? How come it seems like every PCOSer I know, who is not doing half of the things I’m doing to be healthy, is getting pregnant while I remain barren?

I’m trying really hard not to be bitter or jealous, but I’m losing that battle. I’m not even sure if it’s bitterness or jealousy, it’s mostly just incredible, consuming sadness.

Sometimes, life stinks.

What do you do to get away from the bitterness/jealousy/sadness?

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