I have been blogging since 2009. When I switched from blogger to WordPress, I lost everything. (Mel’s weekly reminders about backups started AFTER that). So when Raven Rambling was born, I had to find the blogs I used to follow by goo.gling them…which, in case you haven’t tried, is more difficult than it seems since so many have different variations of the same name (and sometimes not at all related to their URL). I only recovered a few…and the rest I still wonder about.
One in particular that I’ve been thinking about, but can’t seem to find, was a girl who had a mid to late term issue come up with her pregnancy where they thought the baby had a terminal form of dwarfism, thankfully it wasn’t the terminal form – and they named him Jack (he’d be three ish now). Anyone remember?
Anyway, yesterday I was stuck at the Doctors office for
one hundred hours three hours, so I decided to dig through Mel’s blogroll (since Mel is the gateway to this community!) to see if I could find a few that have been on my mind. I was surprised to find I recognized so many of the blog names, so I opened them up to see where they were at in life…
SO MANY have been abandoned. So many. And not just abandoned, but abandoned after a pregnancy or birth announcement. I can’t help but wonder…what does that mean?? Does it mean every thing went well and they’re too busy baby raising to blog? Or does it mean every thing went sideways and they’re grieving (like we all know happens far too often, sadly)? I see this in some of the blogs I managed to bring over to wordpress, too – they just stop writing.
There is no way to ever know what happened in their lives… but I am hoping they all had happy endings. You get to know their grief and struggles so intimately when you follow a blog for any length of time, it’s emotional to have their blog cut off suddenly like that. While I get it, I would love to just see an update here or there on how they are.
And remind me never to abandon my blog without a goodbye post – because we all need closure of some kind. Ok? Ok.
For as long as I can remember, writing has been in my blood. I was 10 the first time I wrote a short story, but I kept it under lock and key because I couldn’t bear the thought of sharing my soul and having someone not like it. I continued to write daily – 5 or 6 pages of a story and then abandoning the pages for another idea – all through high school. In 10th grade, during a creative writing class I had taken because it was supposed to be easy, I was labelled promising by my teacher, who then focused on guiding and nurturing me. That class will remain the most influential experience of my youth, and the first time that I recall ever feeling like I was actually good at something. I will also never forget how disappointed she was when I told her I wasn’t going to University for Journalism (something I still regret 10 years later).
Despite my success in the writing classes I took in high school and University – I continued to keep anything that was not to be submitted at school under lock and key. It was immensely personal (even though it was not about me), and I was too afraid to have it rejected. I had poured my heart into my work, and I didn’t think I could bear a negative response. I remember once, when I was 12 or so, my mother found a story I had started to write. She read it, and then read the rest she found underneath it. She met me when I got home with pride, encouragement and admiration, but I only felt hurt and betrayed. She tried to talk me into becoming a writer, but I was so angry at her for invading my privacy I just stormed away.
My writing flame died down when we began our journey through infertility, and I poured myself into my blog instead. I think I was just too emotional to consider writing during that time, for fear of what other feelings it might unleash. I read though – sometimes 2 or 3 books a week.
Much to my surprise and excitement – my writing flame has returned with a new fervor. Over the last few weeks I have been punching out a novel that I am determined to complete. It is both exciting and terrifying, but anything worth doing in life is both of those things, isn’t it?
This flame came at the perfect time – as we begin to proceed into Fall and then Winter. There is no place I’d rather be during the cold months than at my desk drinking a hot drink, writing, looking out over the farm.
What projects are you up to?